“Speech or writing praising someone” is a standard internet search term. These searches are usually by a frustrated crossword puzzle enthusiast. If this is you, the answer is “Eulogy”. You need to read no further.
But it got me thinking. Writing a eulogy is not an easy thing to do. Unfortunately, most people must do it at least once or twice. Often under tremendous stress and emotion. Recently, a friend asked me to speak at an evening dedicated to a close friend who died young.
These situations are challenging. We find ourselves under tremendous pressure with many mixed emotions. We find it hard to put things down on paper.
So, how does one put together a eulogy or speech dedicated to someone? An address written in a short period that does justice? Here are a few things to consider if you find yourself in this unenviable position of writing a a speech or writing praising someone.
Try to curb your emotions
In these situations, we all look for strength. Those that speak best allow others to feel emotion through their words. The speaker often finds this the most significant challenge.
We tend to let our feelings dictate our inflexions and gestures, removing power from the words we speak. On occasion, this can make speeches incomprehensible.
It may sound cold but try to put your emotions aside while giving your address. Your steady, calm speech will add power to your words.
Don’t Ignore Humour when Writing a Eulogy
It is common to shy away from humour when confronted with great grief. But, one must remember that using humour is a natural defence in many complex cases. Take care not to ridicule or belittle anyone, most of all the subject of your speech.
Every good eulogy contains humour of some sort.
A dear friend once said after an interview he had conducted with me,
“They want to laugh a bit. They want to cry a bit. That’s what they want.“
Indeed, that is what we all want in situations like this. Well-judged humour will act as a release for the people to whom you are talking. Use it with care.
Who Are You?
It is easy to assume that the people present will know who you are. Indeed, this may well be the case. If you are in doubt, it is best to introduce yourself. Make sure everyone is aware of your connexion to the deceased and why it is appropriate for you to speak.
Consider a few words explaining your relationship to the deceased and bereaved. These words will put your speech in context. It will make it much easier for people to relate to you and your words.
Be Honest
Rarely is a relationship perfect, and this is not a time to air grievances or disagreements. I encourage you to draw on memories and stories to which you can be honest. Check your facts, as others may also recall the same events. It is a time to remember the good in us all. This good is usually easy to do, and a few choice stories will be well received.
Achievements and Values
If it is appropriate for you to do so, could you include a list of achievements? I would also add a summary of their values and moral standing. What an individual stands for is as important, and often more so, than what they achieve. Everyone has qualities, and it is a perfect time to celebrate them when speech or writing praising someone.
How long should a speech or writing praising someone be?
I can not answer this question. There is an adage in show business which says, “always leave them wanting more“. Remember this saying every time you speak. Many speakers forget.
The length of your eulogy will depend on many factors. People expect you to speak for longer if you are closest to the deceased. This does not have to be the case, but usually, the time is yours. The only advice I can give is not to outstay your welcome. Length is a judgement call. There is no right or wrong answer.
Your concluding remarks
There are many ways to conclude a speech or writing praising someone.
I have other articles discussing how to conclude a speech. The giving of a eulogy is a very sensitive endeavour. You can offer words of comfort. A quotation is a good tactic. Consider one attributed to the deceased. You can also say goodbye. You can leave your listeners feeling moved and inspired in many ways.
Thoughts on his father by George W Bush
On 30th November 2018, George H. W. Bush, a past president of the United States, died. It fell to his son George W Bush to speak at his funeral on 6th December 2018.
The speech includes many of the points discussed in this article. It is an excellent example of a speech or writing praising someone. As the address progresses, you will hear that George W Bush spends far more time on his father’s moral character than his achievements. He uses humour throughout.
After recounting his father’s last words, “I love you too!” Words that are hard to deliver and hear, he immediately relieves the tension by stating that his dad’s “short game was lousy”.
George W Bush includes a quote from his father’s inaugural address when he became president in 1989. Finally, finishing with a tribute to his wife and the child he lost, Robin, who died at the age of three.
Much was made of George W Bush’s emotions and tears during this speech. I felt it was fitting. He speaks with great clarity and good timing. His emotion never got in the way of his message.
You can find the transcript of his speech here and the video is below.
Conclusion
Speechwriting is the subject of many blog posts, particularly eulogies and dedications. So if you are writing a a speech or writing praising someone there is much to draw on. Here is my advice. Try to make your words the most powerful part of your speech. Find humour and stories if you can. Try to use the life and experiences of your departed loved one to move and inspire others. Don’t speak too long or too short. Finally, think about the words you will say.
Tim Shoesmith is an actor, writer, magician and speaker. You can learn more about him on his about page.